Twatwaffles Of The Week

And away we go..........................
First a Dicknozzle of Douchebaggery to all of those folks who just INSIST on reposting every silly "If you ate crickets by the campfire and rolled in the pig slop when you were a kid and survived, repost this." on Facebook.  Ya' know, most of the people who repost this nonsense are my age, and don't let them fool you.  Growing up in the 70s and 80s wasn't all that great.  The Cold War.  Inflation.  Sky high interest rates.  Racial strife.  Marxist rebels in Central America.  The Iran hostage crisis.  The energy crisis.  Yeah, baby, a good time was had by all.  Give me the here and now any day.

Number Five:  A thus far unidentified Pembroke Park, FL, man who attempted to rob a gas station in the wee hours, only to discover the cashier and money were safe and secure behind bullet proof glass.  While this will not garner him twatwaffle status, the fact that the sodding fool took his mask off while still being recorded by the store's video surveillance will.  Hey, Einstein, keep your mask on until you are out of range of the cameras next time.

Keep Your Mask On Next Time

Number Four:  Christopher Hildreth, 20, of Jaffrey, NH, who is accused of adding nasal mucus to the coffee cups of two local police officers at a Dunkin Doughnuts.  (Insert tasteless cop and doughnut joke here.)  It seems this young man disappeared (or so he thought) into a back room after the officers ordered their beverage where he added the (ahem) extra ingredient.  Of course, the police officers saw the whole thing on store video and reported Hildreth to his manager.  Hildreth was subsequently sacked.  Okay, once we get beyond the yuck factor here, again, Mr. Brilliant be aware of the cameras!!!!  I guess the old saying about only the dumb ones getting caught really is true.

Would You Like Sugar, Cream, Or Snot In Your Coffee?

Number Three:  We have a four way tie for the third biggest twatwaffle this week as four family members have been charged in the murder of ten year old  Ame Deal who suffocated after being locked in a box.  Again, friends, I don't make this stuff up.  I just report it.  John and Samantha Allen, both 23, were charged with first-degree murder after confessing they had locked Deal in the box.  Cynthia Stoltzmann, 44, and Judith Deal, 62, were charged with child abuse and kidnapping after both admitted they had locked the girl in the box on previous occasions.  It seems that these fine upstanding examples of humanity often locked the young girl in the box as a form of punishment.  On top of that, they tried to convince the investigating law enforcement officers that the girl had willingly climbed into the box while playing hide and seek.  Sure, and she willingly stayed in there until she died to avoid being "it".  Unbelievable!!!!  Now, I would like to see these four imprisoned in a stifling hot box for about the next 95 years.

No, Officer, We Didn't Kill Her. She Was Playing Hide And Seek

Number Two:  Robert Bruszenski, 68, of York, SC, who informed police that he "just lost it" and severely beat his DISABLED 40 year old daughter.  The daughter suffers from MS and spends the vast majority of her time in a wheelchair and has virtually no use of her legs and very limited use of her arms.  The daughter reportedly needed help going to the bathroom, and this is what caused Bruszenski to snap.  He called local police, admitted to beating the woman, and threatened to kill her if they didn't quickly arrive at his home.  Upon arrival, officers found the woman with a swollen eye, and blood on her face, nose, and lips.  You know, as a longtime EMT and a student nurse, I find this particularly disturbing,  It isn't as if these folks asked for their lot in life.  Do you not think they would prefer to be able to go to the loo without assistance?  As fellow humans, we need to treat these folks with all the honor and dignity that human beings deserve.  The abuse happening at the hand of a parent makes it that much more sickening.

Number One:  Suspected Taliban insurgents who hanged an 8 year old boy in the Helmand province of Afghanistan.  The boy's father, a local police officer, refused to surrender himself, his staff, and his vehicle to local militants, after which they took the boy from his home and hanged him.  One more time, guys and girls, I do not make this up.  I just report it, so you don't forget how lucky you really are to be relatively healthy, safe, and secure.  As for the boy, if there is a heaven, I truly hope he is there.  As for the insurgents, I hope Allah has a particularly hot, miserable place in hell for those who kill in the name of a perfectly peaceful and honorable religion, Islam.

Militants Hang 8 Year Old Boy

Peace and love, my brothers and sisters.